Doing It My Way, with Justice for All
There was once a man who had a beam in his eye. This was no
ordinary beam. It was a great beam made out of Douglas fir from the vast forests
of Oregon, from a tall, majestic tree that had once housed a nest for a spotted
owl.
People looked on the beam as a great inconvenience. It protruded from his eye exactly
fifty-three and one-fourth inches, and was constantly poking into things. It
was an especial nuisance in elevators and in church. There were people who absolutely refused to ride in the car pool
with him, and he was seldom invited to parties.
Everywhere he went he was inconvenienced. “This world has
absolutely no regard for people like me," he complained. “They do not
build cars for us; elevators are designed without any regard at all. Even the
public schools are callous to our pain. I have quit going to church. Something has really got to be done.”
Once when he was going on and on about it, his little daughter said, “Daddy, why don't
you have the beam removed?” His reaction was so violent that she never
mentioned it again.
The climax of his anger came when he was refused entrance to
medical school. “There is no reason why I should be denied a license to
practice medicine. I know about eye
problems, and I want to specialize in ophthalmology. You cannot refuse me.”
But they did.
Most men would have given up at this point, but our friend was
made of sterner stuff. He founded Beamology, a newsletter designed to promote
“sensitivity toward Beamists,” as the masthead said. Soon he had inquiries from
all parts of the country. “The pain
people are feeling in this country cannot be described,” he said. “I am absolutely amazed at how our people
are victimized by the cruelty of others.
People just can't see it.”
After several months of publishing Beamology, a convention was
held in Philadelphia. Delegates came from all over the country and from several
foreign countries. Our friend appeared on the Donahue show, and Oprah and
Arsenio were looking into inviting him. “People have no idea of the way our
people are treated,” he told Phil.
“As a result we are organizing the National Organization of
Beamists. There will be N.O.B. chapters
in every state in the Union, and we are organizing a great march on Washington
next year to present our case to the United States Congress. We need people of
vision there.” The most dramatic moment
of the show was a call from a member of the United States Senate, saying that
his daughter was a Beamist. “You cannot imagine the shame and pain I have felt
all these years. You have given me courage and hope,” he said.
Soon N.O.B. buttons were seen on the lapels and blouses of
Hollywood celebrities. Some went so far
as to go to doctors to have beams installed in their eyes to show that they
cared. This led to a increased demand
for Douglas fir, the wood of choice, and this almost led to a confrontation
with environmental groups. Conflict was
avoided when the founder said that it was not necessary to have a beam in the
eye. “Many of you have beams in your
heart, and we know that you care,” he said.
There was no empty eye in the auditorium that night.
In the presidential election, a new president was elected. “It was
the vision thing,” the defeated incumbent said. Congress could see what was happening, and soon came
through. Legislation was passed to
provide special rights for Beamists in school, public buildings, elevators.
There was great resistance from the auto industry, but when a Beamist ran into
a school bus in Alabama, because he had to sit sideways in his car, the
industry caved in, and made holes in the windshields. This caused other problems, but N.O.B. was happy.
N.O.B. provided curriculum guides to school teachers
everywhere. “If we can teach children
that a beam is normal, then we will have achieved the goals of our
organization,” their spokesperson said. The break through came in Michigan. The state organization (M.O.B.) was the
first to see legislation through the state house to provide special rights in
school. For a time the governor
threatened to veto the act, but under the threat of a boycott of the state from
national groups, he saw the light and signed.
Before long high school students in California thought it chic to have
beams in their eyes, and those who didn't have them lost status. “Visualize Beams" appeared on bumper
stickers.
Under pressure from N.O.B. and groups with similar agendas, preachers
no longer mentioned beams. There was a
lawsuit in Texas when a Sunday School class sang, “I'll Be a Sun-beam for
Jesus.” “My client has no sun-beams. What is wrong with wooden beams?” the lawyer
for the plaintiff asked. The jury awarded one million dollars in punitive
damages.
“What is normal, after all,” said our friend the night he was
honored for a lifetime of warfare against the forces of reaction. “We have our
people everywhere. Last year a Beamist
was elected to Congress for the first time.
We dominate the arts and the more enlightened denominations are
ordaining Beamists to the ministry.
Next year we are publishing a vision-neutral version of the New Testament
and a vision-neutral hymnal. And I have
been made an honorary member of the American Society of Ophthalmology.”
Across man's kingdom, some people wondered why it seemed so dark
all the time. Most people couldn't tell
the difference, though. (See Matthew 7:1-5).